I’ve been grieving the death of Michael Jackson.

I know what you may be thinking. “He died in June 2009. That was almost two decades ago. And you didn’t even know him. You’re grieving now?”

And to that, I would say, “Yes, yes I am.”

Michael died a couple weeks after I turned 7. I knew who he was because my mom is a superfan of his. So, I was sad for her, my aunt, and others who mourned him back then. But, I don’t think I had the emotional capacity to fully understand what they were feeling. Plus, I think it’s fair to say that Michael was one-dimensional to me at the time.

Fast forward to today. I have seen the Michael movie three times now, and, as a result, have traversed down a rabbit hole of learning more about him. I’ve seen how funny and caring he was. How hard working he was. How he didn’t have a normal childhood and how that impacted him as an adult. How lonely he seemed to be at times. He has truly become three-dimensional. So, I am now realizing more of who the person was that died in 2009. And I am sad.

In fact, grieving him has felt much like grieving relatives, to the point where I am asking similar questions as I do during those times: What is the point of any of this if we are going to die anyway? Why enjoy things as it will all end anyway? What is my purpose if I am going to be gone one day anyway? How can I truly be happy? What is the point of trying?

A very “Ecclesiastes mindset,” I know.

But, God has allowed me to reflect on a few truths that have brought me out of my deep sadness. Can I share them with you?

1) Part of the Christian life is learning how to suffer well. When I realized that I was genuinely grieving, I think I felt upset about how upset I was. Then I remembered that suffering and grief are part of life. Just remembering that those emotions and experiences are normal helped me feel better about carrying them. I wasn’t being too sensitive or dramatic or emotional. Nothing was wrong with me. So, I decided then that I would do my best—with God’s help—to suffer well.

2) Although life is hard, we can still enjoy life. While practicing for an upcoming dance performance, I found myself wondering why I should even perform if I am going to just die one day like Michael. But then, God reminded me of this: If God still has us here, we are supposed to be here. We don’t need to be guilty about enjoying things. Here a few verses that speak to this:

Ecclesiastes 3:12-13: “So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God” (New Living Translation).

Proverbs 17:22: “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength” (New Living Translation).

Psalm 94:19: “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy” (New International Version).  

We can experience not only happiness but—even more importantly—joy while we are on earth. And we should. Joy is actually a fruit the Holy Spirit produces within us. It’s gladness that is not based on circumstances, but comes from knowing who God is and walking with Him. With that joy, we can find enjoyment, even in the hardest of circumstances. This means we can pursue joy as we walk in the things God has given us the opportunities to do.

3) Speaking of the opportunities God has given us, that brings me to my next point: We are to be faithful with what God has put in our hands. A devotional message that I recently heard reminded me of this. I think many would agree that Michael was faithful with the gifts God gave him as he made music that encouraged and challenged people, and impacted millions of people’s lives. Long before he reportedly prayed to accept Jesus as his savior, interviews with Michael revealed that he believed he received his music inspiration from God. He knew his gifts, which he continued to hone, only existed because of something—Someone—bigger than him. How will we be faithful with what God has given us?

Thinking a lot about Michael has made me reflect on what it means to leave a legacy and have a great impact. Being a great—sorry, INCREDIBLE—dancer, singer, and performer overall is worth celebrating. But what does it mean at the end of your life? What does it matter when you’re gone? What kind of legacy will you leave behind? Will it be one where your gifts helped people see God more? And helped draw people toward Him? Or did you draw people away from Him? 

4) We have to trust God, even when we wish things were different. Over the course of watching Michael three times, I have found myself becoming more excited by and emotionally attached to the King of Pop, wishing I had been alive when Michael was in the height of his career, and feeling frustrated about the pain God allowed Michael to experience. And then I caught myself and asked, “Woah. What are you doing?” 

Was I allowing myself to question my perfect God because of my deep, ever-growing love for an imperfect human being? I think I was. 

I’ve had to ask myself what all of these feelings and questions I’ve been mulling over reveal about the state of my heart and my view of God. I don’t normally feel like I struggle with wanting to control things too much, but this has made me question that. 

Do I want to control too much? Isn’t this a matter of control, since I’m struggling with the question of how Michael can be gone since I don’t want him to be? Am I questioning God’s sovereignty? His wisdom? His perfect nature? Or His goodness?

My love for a human should not cause me to do that. I can trust God more than anyone. So, I must remember and choose to dwell on who He is when these questions and emotions surface. 

5) As Jaafar imitated and emulated Michael so well that we saw Michael, we must emulate Jesus so people see Him in us. Jaafar studied his uncle thoroughly so that he wouldn’t merely remind fans of him—we would actually see him. In a similar way, we are to imitate and emulate Christ to the point where people see Him. 

Ephesians 5:1 says, “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God (English Standard Version). In 1 Corinthians 11:1, Paul instructs the church in Corinth to “be imitators of [him], as [he was] of Christ.”

And, in 2 Corinthians 3:18, Paul states, “And we all, who…contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”

We must study Christ to the point where we not only act like Him; we become like Him.

6) In order to move on, I cannot continually replay what is grieving me over and over in my head. I must replay truths about who God is over and over again. I have to choose to set my mind on Him and what He is doing now and what I know He can do in the future with me and those of us who He still has here. What a privilege that is. 

Please don’t feel guilty for feeling happy. Or for feeling excited about the future. It does not dishonor those who are gone for you to be happy. If anything, I think doing so can honor them because you are continuing to live as they would want you to. 

All of the questions I’ve mentioned above—which have not been easy or comfortable to process—have ultimately pointed me to God. To His love. To His sovereignty. To His wisdom. We can trust God with all things, all lives, all stories—Michael’s, mine, and yours. And He will be faithful. We just have to look for Him in them.